Even though it is less than five months old, 2022 has already brought us so many struggles. With the surge of Omicron in the first two months of the year, COVID’s death toll grew. Gas prices are at a recent high and the economy is struggling. Then, on top of everything else, Putin’s attack on Ukraine has the entire world in a state of grief. It’s enough to make an empathic soul feel like it is about to implode.
With all this chaos, one might be tempted to become a human ostrich and stick their head in the sand. But, if they do that, they might miss the injustices that are being perpetrated in our own country by those who have been elected to serve the people. The injustices I speak of are the legislative bills that are being proposed by representatives on the state level to marginalize LGBTQIA+ citizens.
More than 150 Anti-LGBT bills have been introduced at the state level so far this legislative season (CNN). States such as Georgia, Idaho, Texas, Iowa and Oklahoma have proposed bills that range from restricting access to gender affirming health care for minors to excluding transgender children from athletics. In the state of Tennessee, legislators are proposing a ban on any discussion, textbook or instructional materials on “LGBT issues or lifestyle” in public school.
With that being said, no proposed legislation has received as much attention as Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ “Parental Rights in Education” bill, which has been dubbed the “Don’t Say Gay” bill by most of the Alphabet Mafia (LGBTQIA+ persons and their allies) across the country. DeSantis hates this title and makes it clear to anyone who will listen that the word “gay” never appears in the proposed legislative text.
According to the DeSantis camp, the bill would simply prevent discussion of gender and sexuality issues with students in grades Kindergarten to Third. (Does that even happen?) The actual document contradicts that statement. In its preamble, the bill’s authors write that their aim is to prohibit “classroom discussion about sexual orientation or gender identity.” But later, the actual bill states that “classroom instruction by school personnel or third parties on sexual orientation or gender identity may not occur.” That is far more sweeping than grades K to 3.
You may be asking, “Why do you care so much about legislation regarding schools three states away?” Aside from the obvious, of course. There are several reasons, I suppose.
First, these proposed bills are a blatant attempt to undo all the progress we have made over the past few years in LGBTQIA+ rights. It only takes a few states to legally adopt their poorly disguised hate mongering legislation before other like-minded representatives follow suit. Then, before you know it, years of progress will have been undone right underneath our noses while we sit idly by distracted by the dog and pony show. If they are successful with that, who knows what other marginalized groups they will come for next.
Second, the proposed legislation is written so vaguely that it can be used much too powerfully against anyone whom they feel is in opposition to their personal beliefs. There is documentation of this type of travesty as far back as the Salem Witch Trials. In the name of religion (don’t get me started on the need for true separation of church and state) and the protection of children, the pious leaders of Salem perpetrated savage acts against their neighbors based on rumor and fear and dubbed them evil. If we learned anything from Salem, it is that the pious were the truly evil ones, killing many innocent men, women and children after falsely labeling them “witches.” This legislation is just a modern-day witch hunt that is being pushed by men and women who claim (and probably believe) they are doing it for the greater good.
My final reason for caring so much about this legislation that seemingly affects me so little is because I suffered through and somehow survived my own “Don’t Say Gay” campaign. There was no official legislation, just a silent agenda by the church and “the establishment” in general. From the time I was old enough to realize that something was “different” about me, even though I was not sure what it was, there were good, pious people making sure I knew that my “different” was bad and needed to be controlled and changed. Mind you, this teaching was coming from the church, but always spilled over into school.
My earliest memory of being called a “fag” was around elementary school age. I was called the name by the boys at church. At the time, none of us knew anything of sexual desire or inclination and I’m not sure any of us knew what it truly meant. I only knew by the way they said it that it was inherently bad. Since none of us were even old enough to know what the word implied, I wondered through the years where they learned it. As an adult, I now know they had simply heard adults refer to me (an innocent child) with that derogatory label. Mind you, these were the good, Christian people who “loved” me and wanted the best for me.
By the time I was barely a teen, I had learned what that word meant. I had also learned from the church and everyone in any position of authority that being gay was the worst possible thing anyone could be. So, I became very adept at the denial game. For most of my life, I kept the truest parts of my self locked away. I became an excellent actor, never revealing my true self to anyone. All the while, I smiled on the outside as I slowly died on the inside. I subjected myself to the teachings and practices of toxic theology. The biggest goal of my life was to change who I inherently was because that was what I was told I needed to do to be loved by God and accepted by society.
The biggest part of my life has been spent consumed with a self-hatred and shame that was indoctrinated into me by people I trusted. I had no faith in myself, God or anyone else. I failed miserably at trying to be a cisgender, heterosexual male Christian. I dared not say gay and tried everything in my power and God’s power to change it because that is what I was told I needed to do. I suffered so much verbal, mental and even physical abuse by many of my peers: church and secular alike. I spent years of my life wanting desperately to be anything but gay so badly that I tried anything to achieve it…even a couple of failed suicide attempts (I am now ashamed to admit.)
I could go on and on about the negativity and pain of living my closeted gay life, but I refuse to waste another minute of my life dwelling on it. I shared these personal experiences to make one simple point…don’t say gay doesn’t work. After everything that was said or done to me; after everything I did to try to change who I am; I am still a gay man. The only thing the “Don’t Say Gay” regime managed to do was to steal precious moments of my life. Did I survive it? Am I a stronger person for it? Yes! But I do not want another LGBTQIA+ kid to have to live one minute of my experience. I don’t want them to waste one minute of their wonderfully different, magical, gifted and extraordinary life on self-hate, doubt or fear. I don’t want other people’s prejudices and hang-ups to ever convince them that they are anything other than a beautiful masterpiece made uniquely and thoughtfully to be exactly who they are.
So, myself, my fellow survivors our allies, refuse to subscribe to the “Don’t Say Gay” agenda. In fact, we directly oppose it and we are saying gay louder than ever. We are saying it with our voices and heads raised high and our rainbow flags unfurled for all to see. We will say it while we stand behind our youth, letting them know that we have fought too hard to let them experience the same discrimination and abuse we have fought so hard to overcome. Quite simply, we have come too far to let any bigot turn us around. We will unapologetically stand our ground while we protect our future.
We don’t have to agree about this, but you will surely will not change my mind. And for those who want us not to say gay, we are happy to oblige. Instead, we are going to shout it out for all to hear because gay is not just okay… it’s freaking fabulous!
Luck, love and good vibes to all!
