Anyone familiar with pop culture can most likely finish this statement made famous by entertainer Rupaul Charles. “If you can’t love yourself, then how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen up in here?” When you first hear it, it sounds fun and slightly irreverent. Many have said it to their friends in their best Rupaul voice and had a good laugh. However, if you really analyze the statement, it is profound and holds a simplistic wisdom that is overlooked by so many.
If you are like me, you stay busy. With work and the tedium of daily life, I, many times, have little time for anything else. But, in my spare moments, I try to do things for the people I love to make them feel special.
I am a natural born caretaker. I like to take care of people; make sure they feel special and are feeling loved and valued. It validates me and feeds my spirit. I love sharing the energy and the goodness I have been blessed with in my life. However, sometimes I overextend myself and wind up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I bet most of you reading this just said out loud, “Me too!”
Enter the genius of Rupaul Charles, but probably not the way most people would have thought about it. It is true that you can’t properly love another person without first loving yourself. It is also true that you can’t do the physical things you do to show your love if you are tired and burned out. Enter self-care or, in other words, self-love.
Most people think of self-love as retail therapy, getting a mani/pedi or getting that special Starbucks drink that you love. Those are all great ways to “love on” yourself but sometimes they are just not enough. Those things are the small buffers against the stress of living in today’s world. Still, there are better ways that those of us who are highly motivated can “love” ourselves but, most often, feel too guilty to do.
I have come to this conclusion, while I sit under a comfy horror movie throw, drinking coffee and watching whatever the heck I want to on Netflix. So, what’s my point? You may be wondering. My point is this, I felt guilty at the beginning of this little veg out session. Why? Because I felt like I was being lazy and unproductive. Mind you, last week I worked a full work week including half a day on Saturday. Then I shopped for groceries and took care of household chores. On Sunday, I cooked an entire Italian meal from scratch for my bestie’s birthday. So, today I was pooped and didn’t feel like doing anything…but I felt guilty for taking time to recharge my batteries.
Do you ever feel that way? Guilty for taking time to do nothing but rest? I know I can’t be the only one. But, why should we feel guilty for giving ourselves a break? That is simply loving ourselves…treating ourselves the way we treat others. We deserve it. And how the hell we gonna love somebody else (I think you know the rest.)
So, I challenge you to start loving yourself. Spend a day in sweats watching movies. Open a bottle of wine and read that book you haven’t had time to read (I recommend “Eden’s Edge” if you haven’t read it…I think the authors is brilliant.) Sit by the pool with your sweetie and enjoy the sound of them just breathing. Go to a museum. Turn on some tunes and dance like nobody is watching. Turn off your phone…don’t check your messages. The world and your responsibilities will be waiting when you check back in.
You are amazing. You make so much happen. You deserve the gift of self-love. So, take Nike’s advice and just do it!
Now, I’m gonna get back to my third, fourth or fifth cup of coffee while I catch up on the two episodes of American Horror Story that I missed in my busyness last week. If I can do it, so can you.
Health, happiness and good health to all!
